Once a month one of our parishioners shares with our community something of how they answer the question “Who is Jesus for you?”

This month Nanette Gordon shares her thoughts.

“God Has Your Back!”

Recently, I heard this phrase during a difficult personal journey. I had to smile, because this is the God of my understanding today. Growing up in a very traditional Catholic home, my childhood God was judgmental and not attainable. With crisis has come much growth. Several mentors with Ignatian focus have helped me understand that God had come out of the clouds and into my heart.

Eighteen months ago, I had to make a difficult decision, during a stressful time in my life. A good friend and spiritual adviser, asked me to talk to God in a new way – “Sit down and close your eyes. Put Jesus next to you,” she said, “and ask him what you should do.”  With these simple instructions. My friend introduced me to the Ignatian principle that God lives in our desires, so bring our deepest feelings to Jesus in prayer.

The decision was whether or not to chair the Board of Regents for St. Ignatius College Preparatory. The job was time consuming and had been held by strong male leaders in our community. The self-doubt was overwhelming, and failure could be devastating for me personally and for the school. I closed my eyes; I imagined Jesus sitting next to me; and I asked him over and over again: what should I do?

Reading God’s Voice Within, (Mark Thibodeaux, S.J.) and Inner Compass, (Maraget Silf) – I learned to access my own spiritual intuition; I especially learned to trust the God working in my desires – God’s call to be authentic. I prayed that day and for the next week. As I sat in meditative prayer, my mind wandered and I saw myself as the Chairperson, and I liked the image. The decision became clearer and clearer: accept the position at SI, and God would take care of the rest.

God loved me for who I was, would meet me where I was, and believed in me even when I still had my doubts. God’s act of faith and love for me sustains me every day. The work has been extremely fulfilling. I have been given more than I can ever give. My doubts have subsided because God has my back.