In The Margins: Walking Each Other Home

My sister-in-law says that as we accompany others in the ups and downs in life, we are walking each other home.

As World AIDS Day approaches on December 1st, I recall our parish walk to Golden Gate Park to view the AIDS Memorial Quilts earlier this year. On Sunday, June 12th, about 20 of us gathered after the 10 am Mass to walk through the glorious wooded paths of Golden Gate Park. Walking side-by-side with my companions, I discovered that others share the pain I have felt over the Catholic Church’s rejection of family members who are LGBTQ+, who wrestled, as I did, with whether to stay in a Church which rejects the son I love so dearly.

I am the mother of a gay son, and I feel so blessed to have him in my life, exactly as he is and exactly as God made him. I also feel blessed that he did not have to live through the darkest days of the AIDS pandemic here in San Francisco.  

When our son first shared his identity with us, my initial emotion was one of relief that he felt able to tell us. A dark night of the soul followed as I wrestled with the question of whether I could stay in a church that did not make my son feel welcome, a church which holds positions with which I fiercely disagree. I decided to stay a part of my beloved community of St. Ignatius, where all are welcome, and to continue to express my views and try to help the larger Church change its views. Ironically, of my three children, my gay son is the one who most identifies as Catholic.

Arriving on that June afternoon at the sea of quilts spread out over the Jerry Garcia Lawn, I felt overwhelmed: by the hundreds of quilts, each one handmade and so personal, representing a life that was cut short far too soon; by the hundreds of people represented by those quilts, from babies and young men in the prime of life, to women and older men who still had much to offer the world; by the hundreds of symbols adorning each quilt: a baby outfit, a teddy bear, a disco outfit, a favorite pair of jeans. Every quilt was full of love and heartbreak, every quilt was beautiful in its own way.

At the end of my visit, I sat down under a tent where volunteers were helping individuals make their own tributes to a loved one. I stitched patches onto a spectacular shiny fabric with three other women I had never met, and they shared stories of loved ones they had lost to AIDS. I mentioned that I was on this visit with my parish, and the maker said she was new to San Francisco and was looking for her spiritual home. I invited her to join us at St. Ignatius. I don’t know whether she has made it to us yet, but I hope she will. In those few moments we shared, I realized my sister-in-law is right.

We are called to walk each other home.
 

World AIDS Day, celebrated on December 1, is an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV, to show support for people living with HIV, and to commemorate those who have died from an AIDS-related illness. This year’s theme, “Putting Ourselves to the Test: Achieving Equity to End HIV,” encourages people to unite globally to eliminate the disparities and inequities that create barriers to HIV testing, prevention, and access to HIV care. You can learn more at www.hiv.gov/events/awareness-days/world-aids-day.